You see, if I were to write a blog and post in on the internet, I think I’d need to make it anonymous, I’m not sure I could cope with sharing my life with the world and everyone knowing it was me! What if I want to blog something a bit embarrassing? I wouldn’t be able to look the mothers on the school run in the eye, not that any of them would ever read it, but I would always be thinking that people might have read it! Maybe I should create an a fictional person to blog as, maybe based on my life, then perhaps that would give me a bit of escapism, more interesting things might happen to this ‘other me’, because let’s face it, changing nappies and doing the school run is about exciting as it gets for me some days! Yeah, just think of all the exciting and interesting things that could happen to this ‘other me’, I could escape into a world of intrigue and fast living… okay, maybe not the fast living…we’re getting a bit too far away from reality now!
Okay… so here goes….
So who should I be? Some glamorous mother, living in London, who always looks immaculate on the school run, surrounded by perfectly behaved children? With some sort of relationship dilemma to work through? although of course, it always works out with the right guy in the end! Or a city worker mother who holds down a prestigious job, whilst still managing to be the perfect wife and mother?
Oh shit, it’s not really working is it? In reality, I’m a mid thirties (surely 36 is still mid range!!) mother of four beautiful girls (6 years, 4 years & two 2 year olds) and wife to the love of my life! (no mystery or intrigue, and much as my life drives me mad at times, I would never want to be without any of them). I couldn’t imagine being able to hold down any sort of job at the moment (paid, I mean, obviously I never stop working – my current position requires 12/ 13 hour days and being contently on call during the night!) I can just about manage to get everyone up, breakfasted and delivered to school and playgroup, do the shopping, cleaning, washing, looking after the two who are still at home with me, before heading back to playgroup then school for the pick up, before staring tea, bathtime, bedtime, stories…..and eventually collapsing, exhausted, onto the sofa…
I’m regularly on a bit of a diet, just hoping to shed those few extra pounds, and if I could just spur myself on to do some more sit-ups, I’m sure I could sort out that left over ‘baby tummy’ a bit! I run and swim sometimes, again in an effort to maintain some sort of fitness level. Nobody warns you what having children will do to your body. They all say “oh yes, once you’re holding your little bundle of joy, you’ll forget all the pain” Well that’s as may be, but I now have no boobs left after breast feeding four kids (not all at the same time!) and what little I do have are definitely not as ‘perky’ as they were! I have a round ‘baby tummy’ area that is proving almost impossible to shift, and regularly makes me think, “Does this top make me look pregnant?” Then I have my caesarean scar, that one took me a while to get used to, it got me a bit down for a while. I was lucky in that I managed to have three of my children naturally, but then Georgia was coming feet first and couldn’t be delivered naturally, so I had to go through both a natural birth and c-section with Hannah & Georgia – all in the space of just over 20mins, but that’s a whole other story!! Anyway, I hated having the scar, and the little sort of ‘shelf’ you get – I must say, I don’t know how Britney Spears & Victoria Beckham do it! – I’ve seen pictures of a scantily clad Britney after her c-sections – amazing! Anyway, I have come to terms with the whole caesarean thing, it’s happened, I just have to accept it . I did think the other day how well the scar had faded (two and a half years on)
I bought the most fantastic pair of shoes today. Killer heels, the sort I would normally admire on other women. Anyway, they were only a tenner, so I didn’t feel too bad about getting them. In reality, I probably won’t get to wear them much, they’re not very everyday, but I like knowing that they’re there. I have a sneaky walk round the house in them and feel good! On the lunchtime playgroup pick up, my shoe happiness was totally cancelled out by having to wrestle a screaming Georgia into the pram.. maybe I’ll have to put them on again for another boost!!
The more the kids scream, shout and whinge, the more I feel the urge to get click happy with some internet shopping! I can feel myself, during the teatime chaos, happily drifting away to thoughts of the next purchase, and how thin/ beautiful it’s going to make me look. Sigh! Ah well, back to reality, back to the grind, nearly time to pick up Abbie from school (I wonder if my Matalan order will arrive today?) Hannah & Georgia are playing very nicely with the train set, there is definitely something to be said for packing the toys away and rotating round different ones, nothing like a fresh box of toys they haven’t seen for a while. I haven’t heard any fighting or arguing from them for at least ten minutes! Aghhh, I’ve just found out what was keeping those little girls so quiet, Hannah had dragged Abbie’s stool over to the high shelf (high to keep things out of the way of those very fingers that got to the shelf today!), she had managed to get down Abbie’s polystyrene egg that she had been decorating with push in jewels, so we now have a bedroom floor decorated all over with little sequins!
I’ve been thinking about my desire to ‘blog’. What am I trying to get out of it? I would love to think that people would want to read about my life and what I have to say, but in reality, the ramblings of a 36 year old housewife who looks after four young children can’t really fill many people with much excitement! Is it the desire to feel valuable in what I do? If people are reading about my life, then I must still be worth something? It’s hard being a stay at home mum, you’re busy, you work hard, but you still get the feeling that people think you just sit at home drinking coffee and chatting to other mums! (which, of course, I do get chance to do, but it’s not all I am about!) I used to have a career and earn my own money. Now I change nappies and wipe snotty noses. Of course I know I am bringing up the youth of tomorrow! I am (hopefully) bringing up my children to be good people, to know right from wrong and to be the next generation in society – so it’s quite a big responsibility really! I do worry about what other people will think of me, so the thought of anyone actually reading my ‘blog’ actually fills me with quite a lot of fear. I worry about how people with take what I write, will they think I’m stupid? Pretentious? Annoying? So part of me actually never wants anyone to read this, which makes me wonder, once again, who I am actually writing this for? Maybe just for me?
Then there’s my relationship with Rob. I think I said earlier that he’s the love of my life, and he is. He’s my best friend. He’s everything I could ever want. It’s hard when you have children, you go from being a partner/ wife to being a mother too, and since the ‘being a mother’ job is the most time-consuming, constant, stressful of the two, it sometimes feels as though I only have enough energy for that. So when it comes to being a wife I sometimes find there isn’t enough energy left. I would like to think that I do put in the effort to that side of things, especially now the children are getting a little bit older, and I am no longer breast feeding or feeding in the night. We have managed to get away together on a couple of occasions for a night – bliss! Much as we love the kids, sometimes you just need a bit of time to be a couple again. Then you feel a bit more ready to face daily life again!
Okay… so here goes….
So who should I be? Some glamorous mother, living in London, who always looks immaculate on the school run, surrounded by perfectly behaved children? With some sort of relationship dilemma to work through? although of course, it always works out with the right guy in the end! Or a city worker mother who holds down a prestigious job, whilst still managing to be the perfect wife and mother?
Oh shit, it’s not really working is it? In reality, I’m a mid thirties (surely 36 is still mid range!!) mother of four beautiful girls (6 years, 4 years & two 2 year olds) and wife to the love of my life! (no mystery or intrigue, and much as my life drives me mad at times, I would never want to be without any of them). I couldn’t imagine being able to hold down any sort of job at the moment (paid, I mean, obviously I never stop working – my current position requires 12/ 13 hour days and being contently on call during the night!) I can just about manage to get everyone up, breakfasted and delivered to school and playgroup, do the shopping, cleaning, washing, looking after the two who are still at home with me, before heading back to playgroup then school for the pick up, before staring tea, bathtime, bedtime, stories…..and eventually collapsing, exhausted, onto the sofa…
I’m regularly on a bit of a diet, just hoping to shed those few extra pounds, and if I could just spur myself on to do some more sit-ups, I’m sure I could sort out that left over ‘baby tummy’ a bit! I run and swim sometimes, again in an effort to maintain some sort of fitness level. Nobody warns you what having children will do to your body. They all say “oh yes, once you’re holding your little bundle of joy, you’ll forget all the pain” Well that’s as may be, but I now have no boobs left after breast feeding four kids (not all at the same time!) and what little I do have are definitely not as ‘perky’ as they were! I have a round ‘baby tummy’ area that is proving almost impossible to shift, and regularly makes me think, “Does this top make me look pregnant?” Then I have my caesarean scar, that one took me a while to get used to, it got me a bit down for a while. I was lucky in that I managed to have three of my children naturally, but then Georgia was coming feet first and couldn’t be delivered naturally, so I had to go through both a natural birth and c-section with Hannah & Georgia – all in the space of just over 20mins, but that’s a whole other story!! Anyway, I hated having the scar, and the little sort of ‘shelf’ you get – I must say, I don’t know how Britney Spears & Victoria Beckham do it! – I’ve seen pictures of a scantily clad Britney after her c-sections – amazing! Anyway, I have come to terms with the whole caesarean thing, it’s happened, I just have to accept it . I did think the other day how well the scar had faded (two and a half years on)
I bought the most fantastic pair of shoes today. Killer heels, the sort I would normally admire on other women. Anyway, they were only a tenner, so I didn’t feel too bad about getting them. In reality, I probably won’t get to wear them much, they’re not very everyday, but I like knowing that they’re there. I have a sneaky walk round the house in them and feel good! On the lunchtime playgroup pick up, my shoe happiness was totally cancelled out by having to wrestle a screaming Georgia into the pram.. maybe I’ll have to put them on again for another boost!!
The more the kids scream, shout and whinge, the more I feel the urge to get click happy with some internet shopping! I can feel myself, during the teatime chaos, happily drifting away to thoughts of the next purchase, and how thin/ beautiful it’s going to make me look. Sigh! Ah well, back to reality, back to the grind, nearly time to pick up Abbie from school (I wonder if my Matalan order will arrive today?) Hannah & Georgia are playing very nicely with the train set, there is definitely something to be said for packing the toys away and rotating round different ones, nothing like a fresh box of toys they haven’t seen for a while. I haven’t heard any fighting or arguing from them for at least ten minutes! Aghhh, I’ve just found out what was keeping those little girls so quiet, Hannah had dragged Abbie’s stool over to the high shelf (high to keep things out of the way of those very fingers that got to the shelf today!), she had managed to get down Abbie’s polystyrene egg that she had been decorating with push in jewels, so we now have a bedroom floor decorated all over with little sequins!
I’ve been thinking about my desire to ‘blog’. What am I trying to get out of it? I would love to think that people would want to read about my life and what I have to say, but in reality, the ramblings of a 36 year old housewife who looks after four young children can’t really fill many people with much excitement! Is it the desire to feel valuable in what I do? If people are reading about my life, then I must still be worth something? It’s hard being a stay at home mum, you’re busy, you work hard, but you still get the feeling that people think you just sit at home drinking coffee and chatting to other mums! (which, of course, I do get chance to do, but it’s not all I am about!) I used to have a career and earn my own money. Now I change nappies and wipe snotty noses. Of course I know I am bringing up the youth of tomorrow! I am (hopefully) bringing up my children to be good people, to know right from wrong and to be the next generation in society – so it’s quite a big responsibility really! I do worry about what other people will think of me, so the thought of anyone actually reading my ‘blog’ actually fills me with quite a lot of fear. I worry about how people with take what I write, will they think I’m stupid? Pretentious? Annoying? So part of me actually never wants anyone to read this, which makes me wonder, once again, who I am actually writing this for? Maybe just for me?
Then there’s my relationship with Rob. I think I said earlier that he’s the love of my life, and he is. He’s my best friend. He’s everything I could ever want. It’s hard when you have children, you go from being a partner/ wife to being a mother too, and since the ‘being a mother’ job is the most time-consuming, constant, stressful of the two, it sometimes feels as though I only have enough energy for that. So when it comes to being a wife I sometimes find there isn’t enough energy left. I would like to think that I do put in the effort to that side of things, especially now the children are getting a little bit older, and I am no longer breast feeding or feeding in the night. We have managed to get away together on a couple of occasions for a night – bliss! Much as we love the kids, sometimes you just need a bit of time to be a couple again. Then you feel a bit more ready to face daily life again!
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