The joys of camping!

Camping – with four young children – now there’s an experience! Firstly there is the huge amount of equipment that needs to be sorted, packed and loaded into the car (really, you wouldn’t believe the amount of stuff that you have to take for two nights away in a tent – or how Rob manages to actually fit it all in the car). We used to have a perfectly adequate tent, with one bedroom compartment for Rob and I and the other for Abbie and Millie, then along came Hannah and Georgia and we outgrew it over night! We now have a tent the size of a small bungalow, which takes over an hour to put up and sort out, but on the plus side, on a rainy evening all six of us can fit into the living space quite comfortably. When we first started camping with all six of us we found fitting everything in the car with the four kids all in their car seats a bit of a challenge. We had so much stuff stacked up in the footwells of the car the kids used to sit with their feet out horizonally! We decided that long term this was never going to work, at some point their legs would grow to a length that they would actually need the foot spaces! so we decided to get a roof box. All seemed great, sleeping bags, pillows, buggy all safely stowed away. Then the kids started wanting to take their bikes and we got a few more bits of equipment, so along came the trailer! So, off we set at the weekend, roofbox on, trailer attached, bikes strapped onto the trailer, four kids (and numerous very important teddies that HAVE to be taken, but don’t actually get given a second glance once we’re there). All is looking good, however, ten minutes into the journey we find the sky is looking extremely dark, five minutes later and we are driving through TORRENTIAL rain! We can hardly see more than two feet in front of us and Hannah is covering her ears, saying “Noisy!” At this point, my heart sinks, the thought of four tired, miserable, soaking wet kids in a wet tent on a wet campsite is not filling me with much joy. We arrive at the campsite to find it cloudy, but not raining, so there is hope! We begin the long task of putting up the tent and sorting all the equipment, we are half way through this task when the heavens open! Fortunately, we have the outer shell of the tent up and can quickly send all the kids inside. We press on and eventually get everything sorted, much to our delight the rain passes and it turns into a reasonable evening. The weather on the following two days is absolutely gorgeous and we end up having a fabulous and relaxing time! We went with our neighbours, who are new to camping (and I think they enjoyed their first experience) and it was great because the kids all played together, their kids are older than ours which was great as they helped out with the little ones. We were able to sit and relax, chat and have a few drinks!

Having taken Hannah over to the toilet block for a wee at one point, I realised that Abbie was in one of the toilets (Abbie being a ‘big’ girl had gone to the toilet with our neighbours daughter – great, a bit of independence for her). So as I am walking out of the toilet block I call “Abbie? Are you okay? Do you need any help wiping your bottom?” (this is the child that still shouts me every day at home to come and wipe her bottom after a poo!!) to which Abbie replies “No Mum, I’m a BIG girl! I can do it myself!” which got a few sniggers from the other bathroom goers! (You could almost hear the “Go away Mum, your embarrassing me” tone in her voice). So out I go with Hannah, who then decides (having just been sat on the toilet for a number of minutes without doing anything) that she needs a wee! Deep breath, fine, take her back in, sit her on the toilet (trying to keep quiet, so I don’t embarrass my other daughter) when a shout comes from Abbie, “Mum? I’ve flushed it, but it won’t flush away! Mum? can you help me?” Oh joy, I’m sent away when offering to help with the bottom wiping, but needed now for un-flushable poo!!

Not all bad!!

I am aware that most of my writing about the kids has been about the stress and strains of being a mother. Just to set the record straight, I want you to know that I LOVE being a mother and my kids are absolutely great! In my totally biased ‘I’m their mother’ opinion – they are the best kids ever, I love them all equally, totally and unconditionally (no matter how stressful my day!). I miss them when they’re not around and I love being with them. I guess it’s easier to write about the stresses of my days, they are the things that stick in your mind. Sharing a book together is not going to be the thing you necessarily remember if the wheel of the buggy breaks on the way to school!!

So to set the record straight, I’m going to share some of the fun times, like when Hannah and Georgia give each other a kiss and cuddle if either of them is hurt and how Georgia said the other day that Hannah was her ‘best friend’! or the way they sit together on Abbie’s chair for their lunch when she’s at school. How Millie looks after Hannah and Georgia, plays with them, takes Hannah to the toilet, fetches things for them and makes them giggle. How Abbie and Millie held hands all the way to school on Millie’s visit day. How Abbie made me a new bowl out of cardboard when one of my favourite bowls got smashed or how Rob found a little picture of a heart under his pillow with ‘Dad’ written on it. How sometimes, only a cuddle from Mummy will do! How they all love to help with baking (that can be a mixed blessing!!) and how they all love to do craft. How Abbie reads stories to the others and the time that Abbie and Millie decided to sleep in the same bed. Abbie and Millie used to love feeding, changing, helping and trying to teach Hannah and Georgia words when they were younger. They all make me laugh and smile a hundred times a day, admittedly they can make enough mess to keep a full time cleaner busy for weeks and they are hard work and constant. They are my kids, they’re great, they’re 100% cute and sweet and I love them!

Netbook joy & teatime woes!

Good morning. So my blog today comes to you from the swinging seat in the garden. I have my new toy, a Netbook – courtesy of my lovely husband (thanks babe!) – who is keen to find something to help me get through these long days, during which, sometimes, I am lucky to even have a conversation with anyone over the age of six until he gets home in the evening! My main problem at the moment, with this versatile new set up, which is giving me a new found freedom, seems to be keeping two pairs of sticky fingers, one set clutching a bit of grubby apple, away from the shiny new machine! This is great, I am sat outside in the fresh air, I can hear the birds singing, Hannah and Georgia are playing nicely together on the slide... I feel chilled!

A far cry from last night’s bath and bedtime, which was an absolute nightmare. What is it about the couple of hours after school (witching hour) that turns perfectly nice kids into whinging, unreasonable horrors? I understand that everyone is tired and hungry, but really, do they have to go into melt-down? Sometimes I find myself reaching for the TV remote control in the vain hope that a bit of TV time might restore a bit of calm. However, I then go through the whole guilt thing about sticking my kids in front of the TV and so I sometimes try to get through without the assistance of the flickering screen. The other day, Abbie and Millie helped with tea, which started off working really well, great, I’m onto a winner here, I thought, until the fight broke out about whose turn it was to peel the next carrot and whether Millie had to chop hers into circles or long strips. In amongst the carrot chopping argument, Hannah didn’t get to the toilet in time and wet herself and Georgia was crying about something that Hannah had taken off her, oh well, back to the TV I think!

time to diet??

I was horrified the other day to be asked by one of the mums at school if I was pregnant again!! Ahhhh! I’m NEVER wearing that skirt again! I am the first to admit I have got a bit of ‘post baby bulge’ left – but for it too look bad enough for her to ask if I’m expecting???!!! I’m outraged! I had nearly got over the shock and convinced myself that I was looking okay (in the right outfit, of course) but then today I put on a floaty dress, that sort of hangs loosely, as it is a beautiful warm day, and I swear that ‘said mother’ was checking out my belly again! I could almost see it going through her mind – “ummm, floaty loose dress? Is that an expanding belly under there??” So I got home and thought, right, this needs some decisive action, I need to up the diet a bit (okay, get back on the diet which appears to have fallen by the wayside lately) and start doing crunches each night, I’ll show her, I thought. Then I thought, yeah, I can do this, just after I’ve eaten this bar of chocolate, THEN I’ll show her!! Ummm, this could prove to be more difficult than I first thought!

putting your life into cyber space?

As I was on my way to playgroup the other day, I think one of those ‘Google cars’ might have passed me. It was a car with a camera mounted on the top, they take pictures round the streets and you can view them on Google street view. At the time, I was doing the ‘buggy board walk’ which, as anyone who has ever pushed a buggy with a board attached to the back, knows, is when you walk at a slightly odd angle with your bum stuck out! Not my best look, I have to say. It got me to thinking about the uproar about privacy that the Google Cars have causes (in the news the other day). I guess, they would stay, if you’re out on the street, then you’re fair game? but I read something the other day, about a guy who opened his curtains (naked) to find the car with camera driving up the street towards him! Ummm, have we all gone a bit mad in this world of technology and internet, will our whole lives soon be played out over the web for viewing? (even now – I am posing my thoughts into cyber space for anyone to read) I also read a blog by a woman who was concerned that she named her kids in her blog – but I guess if a stranger said to you in the street “lovely children, what are their names?” or “what do you thing of ‘Google street cars?” and you answered them, then you could argue that it is no different? is it not just general conversation with people you haven’t actually met?!!

Then there’s the whole ‘photos on Facebook’ debate. I have got friends who put allsorts of pictures from their life and of their kids for anyone to see, and others who won’t put a single picture on. I put mine on, usually to let friends and family see (family in particular as both sets of grandparents live away, and Rob’s sister and her family are in USA) so I always set to the setting ‘only my friends’ can see these, apart from anything else, I’m not sure how many people would really be interested in viewing my grubby little girls planning runner beans?!!. Do we live our lives too much on the internet these days? I have got friends on Facebook who ‘status update’ numerous times a day….. it’s as thought they are ‘status updating’ their entire day! Don’t get me wrong, I like to ‘status update’ once in a while, especially if I’m out, but I do have a limit, and definitely draw the line at letting you all know my every move, as it happens!!

good enough?

I was wondering last night; what makes a good mother? How do you know if your best is good enough? It’s not as though there are any appraisals or performance indicators that you can set, at least in the work place you might have targets to reach or goals to achieve. Do you just have to wait and see how they turn out when they become young adults? Wait and see if you got it anywhere near right? Yesterday, I shouted at Millie, a really cross, angry shout (she had pushed me too far) and immediately I regretted it. I’m meant to be the adult, right? I should be able to keep my cool, right? There is no training manual for parenthood either, although of course, there are hundreds of books you can get with someone’s opinion on getting it right. There are those who believe in a strict regime from day one, with nap time, eating, dressing, set out in a day run to military precision. And then there are the ‘let your baby guide you’ lot, who think that if your baby decides to sleep all day and have you up all night, then that is obviously what you have to do. I come somewhere in the middle… baby has to fit in with your family life and your routines, but if baby sleeps for an extra half hour and ends up having breakfast a bit late then that’s not a problem. I guess the answer is to work together as a family to find what works for you.

juggling my time

So can you ever really give enough individual attention to four young children? When Hannah and Georgia were born, Abbie was three and a half years old and Millie was just two years old. Everyone used to tell me how well I was managing and how great that I got out and about with all four. But do they each get the individual attention they need? Can I really split myself four ways adequately? Or will the consequences come back to bite me when they are older and they rebel at not getting enough individual time with their parents? Is there an optimum number of kids to have? I was one of three, and growing up it always seemed to two of us against the other one. Usually, my elder brother with either my younger sister or with me. Until my sister and I grew up a bit, got wise to it, and stuck together more! I also used to work with an only child once, when she found out I was expecting, she made me promise not to have just one. She has hated being an only child that much. So does that make two the ideal number? You have the companionship of a sibling without the constant battle for attention. On the other hand, I see the four girls playing together and I think that they are lucky to have each other. Their own little ‘gang’ against the world?

the dreaded school run!

Why is it that kids choose the most inappropriate moments to do things or want things? You can guarantee that just as I am opening the door for us all to leave for school, someone needs something very important right now. Maybe a book, a toy, a picture, but almost always the response “We’re just on our way to school now darling, could we look for it later” will never do. So the frantic hunt round the house begins, I am praying the said item will be in the place I thought it was otherwise I don’t stand a chance of being at the school gates on time. Having found said item, you can be assured that another child, on seeing item that was fetched for one child, will suddenly realise that they need a similar item too. I have learnt to pre-empt this to a certain extent, if I am on a hunt for Poppy (Georgia’s talking doll) I will also try to locate Sam too (Hannah’s talking doll) as you do end up learning from experience.

Also, this morning, I thought I had everyone ready, all had their shoes on, their jumpers on, Abbie’s lunch and school bag are on the pram, great, I am making good time this morning, we shouldn’t be late, I am opening the door calling “Come on then, let’s go!” when I realise that both Hannah and Georgia have taken their trainers off and don’t know where they’ve put them. I charge round the house shouting “Has ANYONE seen their trainers?” It is at this point that Abbie pulls a note out of her bag stating that she needs to take a princess costume and junk model boxes into school today. At this point I am in a state of mild panic, frantically grabbing the bag of cereal out of the box and throwing the box into a bag, followed by the teabag box (I’ll sort the teabags out later) and instructing Abbie to run upstairs to the dressing up box. The secret here, is always aim to leave for school earlier than you actually have to, some days this will mean that you end up being early (not a problem) but it will give you the few precious minutes you need on days like today! To top the school run off this morning, Millie, Hannah and Georgia all have a tantrum when I say that we are NOT taking three balls with us to school!!

Potty-training

Potty-training – what a nightmare! A few weeks ago Hannah decided that she wanted to wear ‘big girl pants’ and use the toilet like Abbie and Millie. All seemed to be going really well, we duly went out to buy the new pants, brought them home and proudly put them into her drawer. She was doing well, but of course to begin with, she still had a few accidents but she really seemed to be getting the hang of it. Then, for some reason a pattern began to emerge. If she had a good day one day, she would have a bad day the next, then another good day. What is that all about?? My heart used to sink on the day after a ‘good’ day and sure enough the washing pile would be notably bigger that day. Even Abbie and Millie would ask, “Are we on a good day today, Mum?”

Potty training is also fascinating to the other children. When Hannah has been on the toilet and done a poo and I’m telling her what a big clever girl she is, the others come running from whenever they are shouting “Me see?” and we all have to take a look – oh joy! Georgia is showing no interest at all in having her nappy off, (apart from wanting to view Hannah’s efforts!) which suits me fine as the thought of doubling the amount of wet or dirty pants we go through in the house is too much to bear! I think Georgia has got it worked out, she going to watch how it’s done, check out how it all works and then maybe it’ll all just click into place for her one day – I can live in hope!

At one point yesterday I decided I wasn’t sure the washing machine could actually stand such an onslaught of washing (after the third clean set of clothes), so I asked Hannah if she’d like put a nappy back on. After I had calmed her down from crying and shouting “NO, big girl pants, no nappy mummy” I have decided to press on with it!

Well, this potty training does get interesting when you’re out and about. Recently, while at a little ‘get-together’ with some friends, at least three people glanced down at themselves and looked at me a bit horrified as I hollered “DO YOU NEED A WEE? LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED A WEE” across the garden! You do get a bit all-consumed and pre-occupied with when the child has last done a wee and how much juice they have had to drink. You are always desperately trying to pre-empt the next need for a wee. This task is made almost impossible, if, at a party or event, your ever helpful friends give your child juice whenever they ask for it (especially, if like mine, your child doesn’t have a lot of self-control when it comes to juice consumption – and is well aware that her winning smile will get her a long way!). When I was leaving a car park after shopping the other day, I encountered another hazard of potty training. I had paid for my ticket at the pay-station and then headed to my car, loaded up three children, packed away the shopping, folded and loaded the buggy, at which point Hannah announces “wee wee, Mummy”. Fine, deep breath, unfasten Hannah and hold her over drain for wee. Great, reload Hannah and we’re all set. When we get to the barrier it transpires that my ‘exit time’ as expired! I’m not bloody surprised, I don’t think squatting two year olds over drains is allowed for when they are determining car park exit times. So I calmly push the help button at the barrier and explain the situation to the attendant. I am reprimanded for my over-stay and told that I will be release ‘just this once’, and I feel suitably chastised and a bit like a naughty school child late in from playtime

struggling with blogging!!

Well, having created my first blog – to hell with the consequences!! I then realised I couldn’t actually find it again, whoops! So here I am, sharing my thoughts with the world and I find that I have sent them out into cyber space and lost them!! I can tell that this is going to take me a little while to get used to. But on a positive note, I have decided who my blog is for…ME! It’s going to be a place for my rants, thoughts and stuff, if you would like to have a read, then great, if not, then that’s cool too. It’s going to be a little something for me, I spend the rest of my life sorting things for and thinking about family life – this is a bit of ‘me time’!

I started my blog privately in a word document, unsure if I was going to get up the courage to actually post it, therefore I have a few dated ‘back posts’ so I am just going to put them on (now I’ve taken the plunge) so that I can catch back up with real time. Sorry if that is confusing! But as you may gather this ‘blog’ malarkey is all new to me.


Friday 12th June 2009

Today is Millie’s first little visit to school. I don’t know who is more excited, her or Abbie! She’s had her uniform on since 6.30 a.m. Abbie wanted them to be dressed the same! Millie was very proud in her uniform, on the way to school this morning. Her visit isn’t actually until 2.15 this afternoon, but I’m glad that she is keen!

Georgia had a funny moment walking across the field top school. She decided that she didn’t like her shadow, so she tried to get away from it. At one point she bent down and hit it! She kept turning and trying to walk away from it, but every time she looked back it was still there! Then she sat down and started to take off her shoes, I think she thought the shadow was attached to them!

Okay, so here’s the thing.. I needed to get the bolognaise sauce in the slow cooker ready for tea (as tonight is quite hectic – Millie’s school visit, Abbie is at a party after school and I am meant to be going out with the girls later). Now, as I have to go up to school this afternoon for the parents meeting I didn’t want my clothes to smell of onions (bad experience at Abbie’s Christmas performance last year, having got the evening meal into the slow cooker I then went up to school to watch the play, and the whole time I was conscious that I stank of onions! Yuk!). So I decided to take my top off, to keep it clean, and put my apron on. All is going well, although I have forgotten about my state of semi-undress (due to other things on my mind like having to fish Hannah & Georgia out from behind the sofa where they got stuck, taking Hannah to the toilet to try to prevent the second pair of wet pants today, whilst in-between trying to prepare tea!) So when the doorbell rings and I go to take the delivery (crop trousers from Matalan that are going to make me look gorgeous – surely??!!) I remember just as I open the door that I am about to greet the delivery man in my bra, but decide that he probably won’t notice (as long as I don’t turn around) as I have my apron on. Just as I am signing for the parcel I remember why you can never get away with anything with a four year old in the house, as Millie wanders up behind me and says “Mummy, why can I see your boobies?” Since I’m not sure the delivery man really wants to hear about the problems of smelling like cooked onions at school meetings I chose to ignore my inquisitive child on this occasion as hastily say my goodbyes to the man!
13th June 2009

Well, it was great to have a night out with the girls last night! Plenty of bubbly wine, chat and ending the night with a bit of a bop! However, my girls have absolutely no concept of how a morning after a night out might feel (and let’s face it; why should they?) so I had a nice wake up call at 5.30 in the morning, from a bright, happy, full of energy Hannah wanting me to take her for a wee! Yey! So, after sorting Hannah out, I crawl back into bed with Rob; by this time the rest of the clan are up and bouncing around. All is going well, I can feel myself drifting back into a doze with the sound of the kids playing in the background when all of a sudden the bedroom door bursts open and in fall an arguing Hannah and Georgia, each pulling at one of the little buggy handles shouting “NO, MINE!” at each other, at the top of their voices. Okay, so this argument is sorted, the other little buggy is found and the appropriate dollies are placed in each….. calm is restored. Once again, I shut my eyes and try to pretend it isn’t really morning, all is going well again….for a while….then the shout comes through from Abbie, Hannah has shut herself in the bedroom, couldn’t open the door so now has accidently done a wee on the bedroom floor. At this point, we decided to give up on the lie-in and get on with the day ahead…..starting with cleaning wee up off the floor, oh joy!

14th June 2009

At just turned six years old I feel Abbie has got one step closer to being a teenager!! It is all since the arrival of the DS lite (games console) that she got for her birthday. She now sits, hunched over the thing, busily taping away with the little stylus pen. She manages to grunt the odd response to a question, but other than that we sometimes don’t hear from her for hours (I must think about some time restrictions for that thing!). I have to threaten to take it away in order to prompt her into getting dressed, and when in a hurry, I have been known to dress her while she plays! She extends the appropriate limb for me to insert into an item of clothing without looking away from the screen. She even ‘tuts’ at me when I pull her top over her head!

Although, having had a go myself, I can see the attraction! As least she has a few educational games, such as brain training. She told me the other day that I need to make sure I train my brain everyday and I think she may have a point! I had a go on her brain training game the other evening when she was in bed (see? she does stop playing it sometimes!!) Anyway, the depressing reality is, I really have got totally disappointing ‘baby brain’ and definitely do need to do a lot more practising, I wonder if it ever comes back? (not that I was, by any means, any sort of Einstein to begin with).

15th June 2009

Rob told me the other day that I forget things that he’s told me and I tell him things again that I’ve already told him. I tried to explain that when you have children, so much of your brain is taken up with the kids’ schedules and appointments that there isn’t any room left for remembering anything else! I told him that even though I may forget things I’ve told him, I do know exactly when Millie has her visit to school, when sports day is, when Millie needs to take her P.E. kit to playgroup, when the kids have the dentist, when Millie & Abbie are on their trips, where Hannah or Georgia have put that ‘special’ toy they were playing with last week and have suddenly decided they have to have (usually five seconds before we need to leave to pick Abbie up from school), where Abbie or Millie’s ‘special’ picture is that they need right now! or the words to that special song that we have to sing while we’re eating our lunch…. and so the list goes on. I sometimes think that the space left in my brain is a bit limited!! I am terrible at not committing to memory things that my friends tell me too and they end up saying “You remember? I told you about it last week?” (and I’m thinking, “umm, if it didn’t involve one of the kids being somewhere at a certain time, or something I need to do for school or playgroup, then there’s a big chance I haven’t filed it under ‘things I need to remember’, but instead it’s gone in ‘things that might be interesting to know about if I had a bit more filing space in here!!’). So, I am going to make a conscious effort to listen better to things I am told and maybe try to remember them!!

my first blog!

You see, if I were to write a blog and post in on the internet, I think I’d need to make it anonymous, I’m not sure I could cope with sharing my life with the world and everyone knowing it was me! What if I want to blog something a bit embarrassing? I wouldn’t be able to look the mothers on the school run in the eye, not that any of them would ever read it, but I would always be thinking that people might have read it! Maybe I should create an a fictional person to blog as, maybe based on my life, then perhaps that would give me a bit of escapism, more interesting things might happen to this ‘other me’, because let’s face it, changing nappies and doing the school run is about exciting as it gets for me some days! Yeah, just think of all the exciting and interesting things that could happen to this ‘other me’, I could escape into a world of intrigue and fast living… okay, maybe not the fast living…we’re getting a bit too far away from reality now!

Okay… so here goes….

So who should I be? Some glamorous mother, living in London, who always looks immaculate on the school run, surrounded by perfectly behaved children? With some sort of relationship dilemma to work through? although of course, it always works out with the right guy in the end! Or a city worker mother who holds down a prestigious job, whilst still managing to be the perfect wife and mother?

Oh shit, it’s not really working is it? In reality, I’m a mid thirties (surely 36 is still mid range!!) mother of four beautiful girls (6 years, 4 years & two 2 year olds) and wife to the love of my life! (no mystery or intrigue, and much as my life drives me mad at times, I would never want to be without any of them). I couldn’t imagine being able to hold down any sort of job at the moment (paid, I mean, obviously I never stop working – my current position requires 12/ 13 hour days and being contently on call during the night!) I can just about manage to get everyone up, breakfasted and delivered to school and playgroup, do the shopping, cleaning, washing, looking after the two who are still at home with me, before heading back to playgroup then school for the pick up, before staring tea, bathtime, bedtime, stories…..and eventually collapsing, exhausted, onto the sofa…

I’m regularly on a bit of a diet, just hoping to shed those few extra pounds, and if I could just spur myself on to do some more sit-ups, I’m sure I could sort out that left over ‘baby tummy’ a bit! I run and swim sometimes, again in an effort to maintain some sort of fitness level. Nobody warns you what having children will do to your body. They all say “oh yes, once you’re holding your little bundle of joy, you’ll forget all the pain” Well that’s as may be, but I now have no boobs left after breast feeding four kids (not all at the same time!) and what little I do have are definitely not as ‘perky’ as they were! I have a round ‘baby tummy’ area that is proving almost impossible to shift, and regularly makes me think, “Does this top make me look pregnant?” Then I have my caesarean scar, that one took me a while to get used to, it got me a bit down for a while. I was lucky in that I managed to have three of my children naturally, but then Georgia was coming feet first and couldn’t be delivered naturally, so I had to go through both a natural birth and c-section with Hannah & Georgia – all in the space of just over 20mins, but that’s a whole other story!! Anyway, I hated having the scar, and the little sort of ‘shelf’ you get – I must say, I don’t know how Britney Spears & Victoria Beckham do it! – I’ve seen pictures of a scantily clad Britney after her c-sections – amazing! Anyway, I have come to terms with the whole caesarean thing, it’s happened, I just have to accept it . I did think the other day how well the scar had faded (two and a half years on)

I bought the most fantastic pair of shoes today. Killer heels, the sort I would normally admire on other women. Anyway, they were only a tenner, so I didn’t feel too bad about getting them. In reality, I probably won’t get to wear them much, they’re not very everyday, but I like knowing that they’re there. I have a sneaky walk round the house in them and feel good! On the lunchtime playgroup pick up, my shoe happiness was totally cancelled out by having to wrestle a screaming Georgia into the pram.. maybe I’ll have to put them on again for another boost!!

The more the kids scream, shout and whinge, the more I feel the urge to get click happy with some internet shopping! I can feel myself, during the teatime chaos, happily drifting away to thoughts of the next purchase, and how thin/ beautiful it’s going to make me look. Sigh! Ah well, back to reality, back to the grind, nearly time to pick up Abbie from school (I wonder if my Matalan order will arrive today?) Hannah & Georgia are playing very nicely with the train set, there is definitely something to be said for packing the toys away and rotating round different ones, nothing like a fresh box of toys they haven’t seen for a while. I haven’t heard any fighting or arguing from them for at least ten minutes! Aghhh, I’ve just found out what was keeping those little girls so quiet, Hannah had dragged Abbie’s stool over to the high shelf (high to keep things out of the way of those very fingers that got to the shelf today!), she had managed to get down Abbie’s polystyrene egg that she had been decorating with push in jewels, so we now have a bedroom floor decorated all over with little sequins!

I’ve been thinking about my desire to ‘blog’. What am I trying to get out of it? I would love to think that people would want to read about my life and what I have to say, but in reality, the ramblings of a 36 year old housewife who looks after four young children can’t really fill many people with much excitement! Is it the desire to feel valuable in what I do? If people are reading about my life, then I must still be worth something? It’s hard being a stay at home mum, you’re busy, you work hard, but you still get the feeling that people think you just sit at home drinking coffee and chatting to other mums! (which, of course, I do get chance to do, but it’s not all I am about!) I used to have a career and earn my own money. Now I change nappies and wipe snotty noses. Of course I know I am bringing up the youth of tomorrow! I am (hopefully) bringing up my children to be good people, to know right from wrong and to be the next generation in society – so it’s quite a big responsibility really! I do worry about what other people will think of me, so the thought of anyone actually reading my ‘blog’ actually fills me with quite a lot of fear. I worry about how people with take what I write, will they think I’m stupid? Pretentious? Annoying? So part of me actually never wants anyone to read this, which makes me wonder, once again, who I am actually writing this for? Maybe just for me?

Then there’s my relationship with Rob. I think I said earlier that he’s the love of my life, and he is. He’s my best friend. He’s everything I could ever want. It’s hard when you have children, you go from being a partner/ wife to being a mother too, and since the ‘being a mother’ job is the most time-consuming, constant, stressful of the two, it sometimes feels as though I only have enough energy for that. So when it comes to being a wife I sometimes find there isn’t enough energy left. I would like to think that I do put in the effort to that side of things, especially now the children are getting a little bit older, and I am no longer breast feeding or feeding in the night. We have managed to get away together on a couple of occasions for a night – bliss! Much as we love the kids, sometimes you just need a bit of time to be a couple again. Then you feel a bit more ready to face daily life again!